Date rape is a topic that few people are truly comfortable
discussing. Below are some things you should remember about date and
acquaintance rape . . . whether you are male or female.
- Date rape is a power trip.
- Rapists aren't always strangers.
- Date rape is about power, control, and anger--not romance and
passion.
- When someone you know--a date, boyfriend, or casual friend--
forces you to have sex, it's still rape.
- Date rape is a serious crime. It's a betrayal of trust and can
leave long-lasting emotional injuries.
Let's look at sexual stereotyping and how men and
women talk to each other.
- Although things are changing, society still frequently
encourages men to be competitive and aggressive and teaches women to be
passive and avoid confrontation.
- Men often misunderstand a woman's words and actions -- the
"She said no, but she meant yes" excuse.
- Some people still believe that it's okay for a man to demand
sex if he buys a woman dinner or gifts, and that it's not wrong for a
man to rape a woman who previously had sex with him or other men.
As a Woman, You Can...
- Talk openly about sex, and keep talking as you get deeper
into a relationship.
- Be careful not to let alcohol or other drugs decrease your
ability to take care of yourself and make sensible decisions.
- Trust your gut feelings. If a place or the way he acts makes
you nervous or uneasy, get out.
- Check out a first date or a blind date with friends. Insist
on going to a public place like a movie, sporting event, or restaurant.
Carry money for a phone call and taxi, or take your own car.
- Don't leave a party, concert, game, or other social occasion
with someone you just met or don't know well.
- Take a look at the men around you and be wary of anyone who
puts you down, or tries to control how you dress or your choice of
friends.
As a Man, You Can...
- Ask yourself how sexual stereotypes affect your attitudes
and actions toward women.
- Accept a woman's decision when she says "no." Don't see it
as a challenge.
- Avoid clouding your judgment and understanding of what
another person wants by using alcohol and other drugs.
- Realize that forcing a woman to have sex against her will is
rape, a violent crime with serious consequences.
- Never be drawn into a gang rape -- at parties, fraternities,
bars, or after sporting events.
- Seek counseling or a support group to help you deal with
feelings of violence and aggression against women.
If Date Rape Happens to You...
Get help. Phone the police, a friend, a rape crisis center, a
relative. Don't isolate yourself, don't feel guilty, and don't try to
ignore it. It is a crime that should be reported. Rape by someone you know
is a violation of your body and your trust.
- Get medical attention as soon as possible. Do not shower,
wash, douche, or change your clothes. Valuable evidence could be
destroyed.
- Get counseling to help deal with the emotional trauma caused
by rape.
If It Happens to Someone You Know...
- Believe her.
- Offer comfort and support. Go with her to the hospital,
police station, or counseling center.
- Let her know she's not to blame.
Take a Stand Against Date Rape!
- Ask your student government or a parent group to sponsor a
workshop on date rape and sexual stereotyping for middle and high school
students. Work with a hotline or crisis center to persuade rape
survivors to join the panel.
- Volunteer at a rape crisis center or hotline.
- Monitor the media for programs or videos that reinforce
sexual sterotypes. Write or call to protest. On the other side, publicly
commend the media when they highlight the realities of date rape.
- Ask college or professional athletes or other role models to
talk to high school students about sexual stereotyping and responsible
behavior.
- Ask your church or civic group to organize a speaker and
panel discussion on the theme, "Please Listen to Me -- How Men and Women
Talk to Each Other."
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